Heart

Last August, I found myself in the emergency room of the heart hospital in Albuquerque, NM. It is an interesting observation, wondering if you are going to die in a few minutes. I have visited death many times before, but never when I was not under the influence of something. Death does not look as friendly when you're not trying to kill yourself one way or another. When I was younger, it just never occurred to me I would live to be this old. I remember the day I decided to live. I am not sure I actually decided to live or simply realized I wasn't going to die. Which ever it was, I knew I needed a better decision making device, so I threw away the 8 ball. Suddenly, the days seemed much longer. I was awake twice as long as before. The downstairs part of my house didn't have furniture, so it seemed logical to create a miniature golf course. A year passed. I became a master putter. Bored and broke, I began to make paintings again. Almost two decades later, I had forgot all about death. A stranger to hospitals or being sick for that matter, I imagined myself as a marionette with all the wires and tubes attached head to toe in the throws of the unknown. In the last days of summer, I swim laps at the gym each day. I like to watch my shadow on the bottom of the pool as I cut through the water. I observe evidence of myself.